Chinese Changes

There are certain mannerisms and habits we have acquired during our 2 years in China that we often don’t notice until an outsider picks up on it and points it out to us.  For example, I was sitting outside of the café yesterday, chatting with Chen (part owner of the café) and Ralf (friend, foreigner, and fellow resident of Beilun for the past several years).  As I was talking to Chen in my broken Chinese and her broken English, Ralf interrupted me, “Maybeeee…” and chuckled to himself.  I gave him a strange, questioning look…what’s that about?  He was amused that I had picked up saying “maybeee” as a kind of space filler when speaking to the Chinese, as many of them do this when speaking English.  I laughed aloud…did I really do this?  Nooooo, I don’t do that.  So I continued talked to Chen and sure enough, the next sentence out of my mouth had a “maybeee…”.  I caught myself and we had a good laugh.  Maybe it seems like nothing too out of the ordinary, but there are plenty more.  While we haven’t worked our way into the public urination habits, Erich and I find ourselves doing plenty of other “Chinese” things that we rarely did two years ago.

One: Being pushy.  In a crowd here, you have to be aggressive.  Push through, make room where you want it, and have no concern for personal space.  If you don’t, you get left behind and end up more frustrated than you ought to be.  Yes, we still have manners and encourage queuing at the cash register or scales to weigh fruits/veggies, but it hasn’t quite caught on in China, so when in Rome…we’ve learned to hold our own, let’s just say that.

Two: Noises.  To tag onto the original story here, there are a lot of noises that the Chinese make to mean things like “yes”, “no”, “I’m listening/I understand”, etc that are just noises, not actual words.  I find myself and Erich using these in mid conversation with others.  I guess you could equate it with the “oh”, “okay”, “uh-huh” and “hmmm” in the States.  I also have adapted some of these noises that are used when confused, excited or surprised from my Korean and Chinese middle and high school students who are quite animated and can communicate an alarming amount of information by noise rather than words.

Three: Eating Habits and Manners.  There really are none here.  The only no-no I’ve experienced is not to place your chopsticks vertical in your food (it is a symbol of death).  Other than that, spit your food (peels, bones and other inedible parts) on the table, place your mouth to the bowl and shovel in or slurp, and eat from anyone’s plate…eating is extremely communal here.  We really enjoy the sharing of food and have come to like the practicality of the Chinese style of eating.  Erich has also come to use the Chinese style of toasting when out with friends.  Say some kind words and a thank you, clink glasses with everyone at the table (making sure the rim of your glass is lower than the person who you are toasting with…a sign of respect), then move on to another table and toast them…or if with a small group, continue toasting at regular intervals.  The local beer here is usually about 2% alcohol or less, which lends to high quantities of toasts and drinking until you actually feel any effect.

Four: Gift Giving.  It’s a very simple but important part of this culture.  People are very giving, but you have to do the same.  Someone comes to the café and brings a huge bag full of local fruits to share.  You pretend not to accept, say “no we couldn’t possibly take them”, compliment the gesture and after some time of this banter, you accept and eat and share with anyone around.  But then you must bring that person a gift of the same equivalent in the future.  Making sure it is not more extravagant or less significant.  Gifts are given for attending events, holidays and just because.  We’re still working on being better at this since we hate buying “stuff”, but fortunately fruit and food in general is a very acceptable and common gift in China, so we’re not bad at that.

Still having another year here, we’re sure there are more habits to come, some more noticeable than others…some that we will see and some that others will point out to us…some that will become more apparent when we leave the country and they don’t seem so “normal” anymore.