Welcome

Greetings friends and family! Welcome to our blog. We hope it serves as a way to communicate and travel with us as we begin our journey across the U.S.A. and to China. We look forward to sharing our experiences with you all, and hope to hear from each of you often :)

Friday, June 3, 2011

Gender Bender

So we're in China...sometimes I have to remind myself. You get into a routine and get settled in and occasionally, I have to remind myself out loud that I, indeed, am teaching and living in China. Life goes on no matter where you are. You work, you go to the grocery, you explore and bike, you visit with friends...it becomes just another day.

And then there are times when I am reminded of my whereabouts through the stark differences in mindset and lifestyle that I sometimes encounter with our friends here. For example, in one recent conversation with a Chinese friend, we began discussing families and children. He asked if Erich and I had considered babies and, having to explain our current (and possible long-term...sorry mom) aversion to starting a family, I returned the question to my newlywed friend. He informed me that, yes, in a year or so he and his wife would likely start a family of their own. Oh, and they would have a boy. This fact, he was confident in. I unintentionally giggled at this comment and continued to inquire. "Well, you never know...you have a 50/50 chance. But if it's a girl, you'll still love it just as much" I stated with certainty, waiting for his reply. He laughed, shook his head, and made a noise, which I took as a sign that this possibility was not something he was comfortable with and it was actually ridiculous for me to suggest. He went on to explain that he had never even considered the possibility of having a girl, because he was sure he would have a boy that was strong and good. And that a girl would not be good and would not carry on his name and that he didn't think he would love her the same as a boy...but in the end, it didn't matter, because he would have a boy, so this conversation was pointless.

We changed the subject.

But it still lingers with me, weeks later. And I am reminded that I am living in a place that has a one-child policy still in place. That when I meet a new, local friend and begin a basic conversation...asking the question, "do you have brothers/sisters?" is almost always a silly question with which they answer "no" and give a strange look like "why would I?". It took me a few months to remember not to ask that, as it was not a point of conversation in China.

I am also reminded that it is currently illegal for women to get a sonogram to find out the sex of their baby in China. Sadly, this is because many who would learn that they were having a girl would find ways to terminate the pregnancy before the child was born...in order to have the chance to have a boy in a second pregnancy.

I have read in several books about China that the number of males to females here is grossly imbalanced because of these cultural practices (however, several of my Chinese friends deny this fact, stating statistics that the government has published claiming that the ratio of males to females is nearly equal). In the publications I read (which are sent or brought to me from the States, as most of them are illegal and do not meet censorship criteria), millions of men will not have a mate in the near future, simply because there are not enough women in China. There is speculation of what this will do to this massive country...higher crime rates? a harder working and larger working class? rise in prostitution? I don't know, but it bothers me. I love so much of the China I live in. I want it to live up to the "forward thinking" and "progressive" lifestyle that it advertises all over...but I find it challenging to accept that this basic gender bias exists in the homes of so many these days. Of course, this does not represent the actions and opinions of everyone in China...we have local friends who feel and think differently. But I believe they are the exception, not the rule.

As an independent and thoughtful woman, I find this topic intriguing and unsettling. I have a hard time wrapping my head around it, so I have been reading a lot of books about Chinese culture and having conversations with local friends to understand. I usually end up with more questions than answers. So much of the current lifestyle and thought in China stems from policies and events of the Cultural Revolution and Mao. Maybe I didn't pay attention much in HS World History, maybe it was never taught, or maybe it's because I am now living and breathing this stuff...but I wonder how I didn't know these things before. China is so unique in it's politics and social standards. In some ways, they have changed dramatically since the 1950's and in others, we might as well have frozen time. I am consumed by trying to understand ways China's recent history is impacting its present and future.

So I sit here on my couch, drinking my morning tea...just as I have in Colorado or Ohio in years past...feeling like I could be anywhere participating in my morning routine. Just another day...?

4 comments:

  1. Beautifully written, Dana. It's a very sad, but true phenomenon that has plagued China for decades. I also knew nothing about this until college (it's not part of K-12 educational standards, so it's very rarely taught). I focused on China throughout my graduate work and it wasn't until then that I realized what has been happening (and continues to happen) in China. It's always interesting to me to hear that the younger generation (and by younger, I mean ours) continues to perpetuate the inequalities that have been so dominant throughout Chinese history. Have you found that the majority of young Chinese feel this way? I guess I feel that our generation may be the saving grace in much of the world, and I have hopes that that would be the case in China, too...

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  2. i'm with you, erica. so far, i've found that many of our same age Chinese friends are very open to discussing different perspectives and lifestyles. however, it seems as if many of them are stuck in trying to balance a progressive, global life style with one that also shows a level of respect and humility for their Chinese culture/ancestors. there are a lot of contradictions in their lifestyle and thought processes because of the dramatic changes that have occurred in China over the past 50 years. this generation of Chinese youth has a tremendous amount of pressure to both nurture the traditions of their past and move forward to build a better, stronger China.

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  3. Thanks Dana and Erich for the great gifts miss you..

    Chris

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  4. glad they made it! sorry we couldn't make it out to see you during our time in the states this summer. hope life is treating you well...we miss you too. erich and dana

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