Gender Bender

So we're in China...sometimes I have to remind myself. You get into a routine and get settled in and occasionally, I have to remind myself out loud that I, indeed, am teaching and living in China. Life goes on no matter where you are. You work, you go to the grocery, you explore and bike, you visit with friends...it becomes just another day.

And then there are times when I am reminded of my whereabouts through the stark differences in mindset and lifestyle that I sometimes encounter with our friends here. For example, in one recent conversation with a Chinese friend, we began discussing families and children. He asked if Erich and I had considered babies and, having to explain our current (and possible long-term...sorry mom) aversion to starting a family, I returned the question to my newlywed friend. He informed me that, yes, in a year or so he and his wife would likely start a family of their own. Oh, and they would have a boy. This fact, he was confident in. I unintentionally giggled at this comment and continued to inquire. "Well, you never know...you have a 50/50 chance. But if it's a girl, you'll still love it just as much" I stated with certainty, waiting for his reply. He laughed, shook his head, and made a noise, which I took as a sign that this possibility was not something he was comfortable with and it was actually ridiculous for me to suggest. He went on to explain that he had never even considered the possibility of having a girl, because he was sure he would have a boy that was strong and good. And that a girl would not be good and would not carry on his name and that he didn't think he would love her the same as a boy...but in the end, it didn't matter, because he would have a boy, so this conversation was pointless.

We changed the subject.

But it still lingers with me, weeks later. And I am reminded that I am living in a place that has a one-child policy still in place. That when I meet a new, local friend and begin a basic conversation...asking the question, "do you have brothers/sisters?" is almost always a silly question with which they answer "no" and give a strange look like "why would I?". It took me a few months to remember not to ask that, as it was not a point of conversation in China.

I am also reminded that it is currently illegal for women to get a sonogram to find out the sex of their baby in China. Sadly, this is because many who would learn that they were having a girl would find ways to terminate the pregnancy before the child was born...in order to have the chance to have a boy in a second pregnancy.

I have read in several books about China that the number of males to females here is grossly imbalanced because of these cultural practices (however, several of my Chinese friends deny this fact, stating statistics that the government has published claiming that the ratio of males to females is nearly equal). In the publications I read (which are sent or brought to me from the States, as most of them are illegal and do not meet censorship criteria), millions of men will not have a mate in the near future, simply because there are not enough women in China. There is speculation of what this will do to this massive country...higher crime rates? a harder working and larger working class? rise in prostitution? I don't know, but it bothers me. I love so much of the China I live in. I want it to live up to the "forward thinking" and "progressive" lifestyle that it advertises all over...but I find it challenging to accept that this basic gender bias exists in the homes of so many these days. Of course, this does not represent the actions and opinions of everyone in China...we have local friends who feel and think differently. But I believe they are the exception, not the rule.

As an independent and thoughtful woman, I find this topic intriguing and unsettling. I have a hard time wrapping my head around it, so I have been reading a lot of books about Chinese culture and having conversations with local friends to understand. I usually end up with more questions than answers. So much of the current lifestyle and thought in China stems from policies and events of the Cultural Revolution and Mao. Maybe I didn't pay attention much in HS World History, maybe it was never taught, or maybe it's because I am now living and breathing this stuff...but I wonder how I didn't know these things before. China is so unique in it's politics and social standards. In some ways, they have changed dramatically since the 1950's and in others, we might as well have frozen time. I am consumed by trying to understand ways China's recent history is impacting its present and future.

So I sit here on my couch, drinking my morning tea...just as I have in Colorado or Ohio in years past...feeling like I could be anywhere participating in my morning routine. Just another day...?